Boloney Moguls has officially gone full pro with their first win in a major competition. No, not the half-pipe. Not the DEW Tour. Not the X-Games.
Of course, I mean the 80s weekend fashion comp at Liberty Hill in Southern PA. Power Seen showed those mid-Atlantic posers how to shred, in style.
*Switching to First Person*
So Pukey and I headed down to the epic shred-fest that is Liberty for a day of fun and shenanigans. Not long after arrival people kept commenting on my awesome onesie - an outfit I often wear. After discovering it was "80s weekend" and they were having a competition I scoffed. As the 10th kid went "whoa great outfit, you're entering the comp right," I mocked him, and then he said "but you could win $200!"
I immediately responded, "What, what, what!!!" Pointed my board down the hill and went straight to the tent. I walked up to the judge in my sweet gear and stated, "Where do I collect my prize."
The rest is difficult to explain: I mostly blacked out but there was a lot of free style walking, pelvic thrusts, and the dead fish came out. Videos are embedded below. Regardless, Boloney Moguls has now won big in this premiere event of the mid-Atlantic and will have to be taken seriously. Skiing is serious business.
UPDATE: Head over to www.skiliberty.com and you may see my sweet mugshot. If they take it down, don't worry, here's a screen grab:
The Boloney Moguls Team Scarf. One of the highest awards a person could receive in the areas of shredding, riding, skiing, boozing, and metaling. Sought after by many. Worn by only the select few.
The styling: One bandanna. Traditionally black, but many colors exist, depending on rank and skill. Proper placement is tied around the lower right leg. Only the right leg. Only the one true leader can sport the bandanna on the left leg. Acceptableapres-ski dress allows for the scarf to be warn in neckerchief mode.
Some prereqs:
Ability to shred on no sleep.
Well really just be able to do everything on no sleep.
Heavy drinking is required
Going with that, shredding with a heavy hangover
Ability to gobble down tons of chicken, poutine, and ellios.
Wear onesies, Starter jackets, and all manner of 80s gear with style
Ability to nomad long distances without complaint or need to pee
Love of ...And Justice For All at 7:00 A.M.
Intense passion for bands Grim Reaper, ManoWar, and Iced Earth
Do you meet these requirements? Do you think you can hack it chump? Tryouts are ongoing and the failure (read: death rate) is high. But if you play your cards right, you might earn the Team Scarf, and all the glory and honor that goes along with it.
1000 miles in four days. 1500 in 6 days, for one Power Seen. Nomading at its finest.
Boloney Moguls' most recent adventuring brought them to CHARlot, Btown, the ShredBarn, Jay Peak, and Michael Bolton. All things that are good.
Uncle Filter's shredbarn in Charlot was nice. I mean way too nice for us. The piece of property itself was right on a peninsula on the good lake of Champlain. Amazing views and great territory for some Rocky training montages. There were many structures over the grounds making for one awesome filter compound. The shredbarn had bunk beds, tractors, and stables. Everything you need for one intense weekend of booze.snow.metal.
Day 1 we headed way up there, Jay Peak. After a drive that wasn't bad at all and only getting the CRV stuck in the snow once (thanks DONG), we suited up in the arctic cold of Canada. Jay Peak is big, old, and European feeling. It's one of the only hills in the East that actually has a tram. It was so brutally cold and windy up there though that the only thing the tram was doing was terrifying us all as test cars were sent back and forth and swung wildly.
I've been in cold, I've been in real cold, I skitheeast. But Jay Peak. Wow. For 10 minutes we experienced some of the coldest conditions ever while our chair crawled up the wire and swung back and forth in the wind while we were pummeled with the howling gusts of Canada.
After epic cheap 22 oz long trails for breakfast and lunch, we rode more and found some trees that still had great cover. More riding, more skiing, more fun. Last run of the day, Dong and I slipped into some trees and then found ourselves in an untouched powder field covered with small trees and deep pristine snow. After that ride we knew it was time to call it a day because we weren't going to be able to top it. We flipped around and headed back to the Shredbarn.
Dinner Party ensued as Dong cooked up one hell of a dinner. The Flendersons stopped by and Bob in accounting acted up again. Late night scrabble was played and some uncanny words were placed. Undersiege anyone?
Day 2: Michael Bolton.
This place is good, really good. Lots of traverses and slow lifts, but amazing cover, super close to btown, and lots of fun trees that no one rides in. Many great runs were had. I totally deforested and made my own trail by drop-kicking several trees and saplings out of the way. Super switch day. I had my switch bindings that are awesome and change angles while I ride. AtheFilter rocked skis. Pukey rocked a sketchy style (well I guess that's standard for her). Donkey Kong rocked a snowboard in ski boots.
Strange things happen at Bolton. It is sort of the Bermuda Triangle of ski hills. You'll see a trail you want to ride, head towards it, and then you find yourself back at the base. We tried to find the park 3 times. Each time we took a different route, yet every time we missed it. There is one thing you can always find here though, and that's awesomness.
Another night of boozing and Kings with some superior rules. The Seen foot and rocky rule really made for a bold game of thrill and excitement. A long long ride back to NY began, and awesome, I missed my flight. Friday's was well worth it though and I got silly.
Leaving Btown was tough. That place has a lot of greatness. It is important to know though, the Armory will be opening for the 09-10 season, and it will be the most metal bar ever.
The metric system, poutine, and Les Stroud. Yes that's right, Boloney is going way up there, to nearly the Canadian border.
This weekend, a change in plans. We're shooting up to BTown and then going to ride some of the best mountains of the North East: Stowe and Jay Peak.
AtheFilter is finally contributing to the team and is offering us the use of the BARN. What it is and what it includes, I know not, but one thing is for sure, it is probably way too nice for us.
So While Stowe is crazy expensive and Jay is basically in Newfoundland, these mountains have conditions and steeps that will make the trip well worth it. After riding the mid atlantic last weekend, I desperately need to get onto a trail where I can't see the base from the top of the "double black diamond" terrain. And I need a place where the appropriate attire is not baggy denim shorts. No no, I want steeps and absurd cold.
While most of the gang was up in VT, I went on a tour of southern PA. Two establishments. First, Seven Springs which is about an hour south of Pittsburgh. And then Whitetail, or as Pukey might remember it, Icetail.
The good: Super warm weather. No jackets. Great goggle tans. Super super mushy mush and no ice! Fun parks, best halfpipe I've ever seen other than out West. Top notch bar at Seven Springs.
The bad: Absolutely everything else. Super short runs. Zero steepness. Literally 1000s of riders that have no idea how to ski or board.
This feeds into something amazing. Because of the complete lack of proskibums, I was able to spot some truly epic style. I'll highlight a few of the finest exemplars:
Jeans, rental board, lift ticket right in the face: Some ride in jeans. Pros ride in jean shorts:
And frankly, words don't describe this skier. And to be clear. This is a man:
Boloney Moguls has officially gone full pro with their first win in a major competition. No, not the half-pipe. Not the DEW Tour. Not the X-Games.
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