bə-lō'nē mō'gəls(n.pl.) 1. A group of drinkers with a shredding problem. 2. The combination of snow, booze, and metal.


Classic Clips

Spicy Boule, Onesies, and the Snow Lake Lodge

The season's first expedition to Mount Snow and the lovely Snow Lake Lodge (SLL henceforth) started in epic fashion: Kathleen (our newest recruit) was puking in the parking lot, BP gave me a right hook to the mouth, and we all partook in many Coors Originals. Then things got really interesting.

The early season conditions were good, but most of the mountain was not open which was bad. BP was a giant skittle with a sweet ass rainbow vest, one which he received many comments about.

Lunch that day was a trainwreck of profanity, intoxication, Kyle sexually harassing the busboy, and one cold bread bowl of chilie that has christened the raunchiest sexual act ever devised, the spicy boule.

From across the mountain - all weekend that is - we were continually greeted by Crusten's lovely interpretation of "Kyle" which generally included significantly more syllables than one would imagine, and at a pitch that could best be described as one that would offend a dog's ear.

As riding concluded for the afternoon, dumb and dumber (Sweater Vin, a rare Vin T that only appears in mountainous conditions, and "I puke in parking lots" Kathleen) had deaded BP's car, and then spent nearly two hours getting it properly jumped.

We proceeded back to the exclusive SLL, made our trips to the fine local establishments (7-11 and the pizza place) and commenced a classic Boloney night. Many beers were had. Bottles of wine were "crushed." Finlandia was consumed. Yuka and Brian O'Brian arrived to check out the neighborhood brothel on the first floor while simultaneously terrifying, two guests, and I emphasis terrify. And the greatest cover band EVER played the snow barn.
BP also had the great idea of bringing up a dog collar that zaps one if they yell. Many shocks were given, mostly to bad interpretations of The Darkness' "I believe in a Thing Called Love." Last year it was snaps, this year it is voluntary electrocution.

Saturday was a subdued day of calmness and tranquility on the mountain. NOT. It included myself in a red and neon green onesie throwing POWER SEENs all over the hill and some sweet grabs. Kyle got a solid rail in the A and damaged his pride more than anything. DK was rocking the sweet green sweater he is well known for. Brita purified the hills with her sweet filter style. In two hours "Ring 'em out" Kath went from being the a non-skier - to a proskibum with the sketchiest style I have ever seen. She french frys when she should pizza, and does it with style. BP's 210s made an awesome appearance and awed all those on the mountain.

After a final run, cocktails were had at cousin's and the long ride home began. I ate a ton of 'toids and drank a bunch of eggnog.

Perhaps Riding in WV is More Badass than First Thought

While they may not have a 4000ft vert, or 400 inches of snowfall a year, Snowshoe has something other hills don't: Tigers. Yes, that's right. Vicious, man-hunting, tigers circa Ghost in the Darkness (which is always a pretty sweet movie). What's even better is that they seem to also encourage tiger hunts on their property. I wonder what other treats they will offer throughout the season. I'd pay extra if I was chased by a black bear, or a shark while I was boarding. Read more below:

Owner kills tiger in Pocahontas after big cat got loose, official says
The owner of a tiger on the loose in Pocahontas County put the animal down Monday afternoon, said Hoy Murphy, spokesman for the state Division of Natural Resources.

CHARLESTON, W.Va. - The owner of a tiger on the loose in Pocahontas County put the animal down Monday afternoon, said Hoy Murphy, spokesman for the state Division of Natural Resources.

David Cassell of Cass found the tiger and killed it, Murphy said. Murphy was not sure where or how the animal was killed. He was waiting for a conservation officer's report Monday evening.

The animal had been on the loose for several hours when it was killed at about 4 p.m.
While Murphy said the snowmaking crew at Snowshoe Mountain Resort saw the big cat on Monday morning, resort spokeswoman Laura Parquette said the tiger had not been seen on Snowshoe's property.

Parquette said Cassell shot and killed the tiger on Monongahela National Forest land six to seven miles east of the resort.
Cassell, who works at Mountain Lodge on Snowshoe Mountain, was trying to find the animal and tranquilize it, Murphy said earlier in the day. Security personnel at Snowshoe were also looking for the animal, he said.

"We have a conservation officer on his way there now. ... Normally this isn't the kind of wildlife we deal with," Murphy said Monday afternoon.

Cassell had a permit for the animal, he said.

In May 2006, an Asian brown bear owned by Cassell escaped into the wild after someone cut the lock to its enclosure. The 400-pound bruin has not been seen since.

Meanwhile Monday, skiers and snowboarders took advantage of a fresh coating of snow that dusted the 26 trails now open at Snowshoe Mountain.


The Movies That Rule Them All (In No Particular Order)

In our first installment of how to be awesome, watch all of these movies over and over and over, until they become not funny, then watch them more.

Rocky IV (In either abridged montage mode or full version)
The Big Lebowski
Old School
Super Troopers
Boondock Saints
True Lies
Point Break
Napoleon Dynamite
Out Cold
Blue Crush
Pirates of the Caribbean
UPDATE This is Spinal Tap (film was lost on the way to the stage)