Sweden's War on Apres-Skiing (Or How Boloney Can't Go To Sweden)

Looks like there is another country Boloney Moguls can no longer go to, Sweden. Read below and here:

Police plan to rent the container from a car club in nearby Höljes. The club uses the container in the summers for housing inebriated rally cross enthusiasts during the European championship week.

The container will be located in a fenced-off area at a garage owned by the National Road Administration (Vägverket) just five kilometres from the ski hill, enabling police to take a tougher line with unruly skiers.

"We are going to increase our presence in Branäs and will lower the threshold for an arrest. We are probably the first in Sweden to do this," said Peter Åkerström at Värmland's police to VF.

Currently the closest cell available for the detainment of tipsy tourists is in Karlstad, a two and a half hour round trip which uses up limited police resources.

"Branäs is located a bit out of the way. People go there to party and have fun. It is probably not quite as fun to wake up in a detention container," warned Åkerström.

Accommodation in the small red container is not however devoid of creature comforts for sobering skiers and is equipped with ventilation, a simple drainage system and a hole in the middle of the floor where overnight inmates will be able to perform their ablutions.

The safety of the detainees has also been taken into account and the container will be furnished with fire-proofed mattresses for rest and recuperation and equipped with an inspection window.

Police will make use of the facility until the Branäs alpine area closes after the Easter weekend.

Jackson Hole: The Most Metal Mountain Ever? ('Lanches, 'Lanches, and More 'Lanches)

In this installment of The Most Metal Mountain Ever, we look at Jackson Hole, WY.

It has been discussed before, whether in looking at there new tram, the insane terrain, or just the fact that Boloney Moguls will be there March 1st (and soon killed).

But in the course of a few days, they've had a fatal avalanche on inbounds (and easily accessible) terrain, 62 inches of snow in seven days, and now a double avalanche in a similar area that was so big it hit a base facility housing three restaurants causing "considerable non-structural damage to the building." I hope that means the Rumpleminze in the bar is still okay.

The fatal avalanche was on Saturday in the "Toilet Bowl" on the trail called "Paint Brush." Jackson is pretty badass though, even with eight feet of snow covering, and all that terrain, they were able to locate the deceased in 6 minutes. So that informs us Boloners that as long as a monster tree or slab of ice doesn't hit us in a 'lanche, we'll only be slightly chilled for the inevitable apres-ski drinking that will follow.

The avalanches yesterday hit the headwall when ski patrol was clearing things out, which then triggered a second avalanche smacking into the bar - I'm assuming the facility they talk about is the one at the gondola summit. This hit had them close the whole resort for a few hours, and then later only open the lower part of the mountain.

I don't know if this competition will even have to go on anymore. That place is pretty metal.

The Evolution of Man (Stepping back in time, to the future, in the past)

December 2005
(No Boloney)
December 2008
(Lotsa Boloney)

Super Pow (or how Power Seen missed out...)

Despite all of his hopes, Power Seen was incorrect in reporting the untimely and violent demise of a snowbound Boloney Moguls. Much to the contrary, the crew (minus one Power Seen of course) braved the elements to arrive in Vermont on the evening of Dec. 19th, just in time to settle in for 3 continuous days of heavy snow. When it was over, 47 inches had piled up over the previous 7 days, and thanks to Pico Mountains late opening, much of that remained untouched and waiting. The conditions were epic, probably the best any of us had seen, with consistent knee deep freshies all over Pico and Killington. The storm kept most of us there Sunday night, and I must say, the only thing better than a powder Saturday or a powder Sunday, is a powder Monday. Full photo coverage can be found here.
And did I mention that Power Seen wasn't there?
Better luck next time.

Santa-Ninja (A Force for Good or Evil?)

Jackson Hole has not been discussed here enough, but will almost certainly win the title of most metal mountain ever. Now, they have trams and Santas that can repel from said cable cars. Watch below why this place is the clear front-runner.

Boloney goes Epic (Pow Pow Pow)

So it seems Boloney has survived their ordeal in the great north. Some truly amazing pics and vids can be accessed here and to the right. Expect a full report in the coming days.

The Icy Hand of Death (Cannibalism Strikes Boloney)

It is my grim duty to report that we've lost many of our own. On Friday, the gang went up to G305 to "shred" Pico for opening weekend. In what was surely imagined as an epic weekend, feet of snow kept falling. It got so heavy that the group was stranded up in VT because of the heavy and constant snowfall, the deep pow pow, and the perfect conditions. Now it has become clear, the worst has occurred: they've resorted to cannibalism, have all turned on one another, and are surely dead by now.

Communications to mountain basecamp have been sketchy. Short, garbled cell calls - with what must have been screaming and singing in the background. Text messages with horrendous misspellings and laced with cries for help. Lamentations of agony coming from the hell that must be what being marooned in G305 with limited food and copious booze must be like. I can't even imagine the horror, the horror.

I received panicked texts like this from Kath: "I just shocked myself." They are clearly resorting to electrocution up there to survive, anarchy has clearly broken out. Or later from BP: "Greatest day of my life." I take that as they have devolved into some prehistoric form of human where they find the taste of live human flesh maddening.

Before I lost comms, the last message I could make out over the calls for help were what could only be described as Les Stroud singing "I am Canadian." This means only one thing of course, Canadian rescue crews, led by Survivor man, have trekked down from the True North, too late, and have found the frozen and dismembered corpses of Boloney Moguls. A sad day indeed.