bə-lō'nē mō'gəls(n.pl.) 1. A group of drinkers with a shredding problem. 2. The combination of snow, booze, and metal.


Survivorman: Vermont (Planning)

With the cost of Christmas weekend hotels, motels, and places you'd like be murdered if you stayed at near ski areas absurdly high, we've had an epiphany: Let's just Survivorman it.

Of course for the ill-informed, Survivorman is the greatest program ever. It features Les Stroud - outdoorsmen, harmonica player, Canadian - stranded in some austere location for seven days and he teaches us all how to survive, while filming his adventures. He's survived in the arctic circle, the jungles of South America, the deserts of Africa, and the barren tundra of Alaska. If he can do it, we can do it. Come on, I've watched nearly every episode.

So instead of a fancy pants "hotels" or some place with "heating," we'll just survivorman it in the mountains of Vermont, alone, with all of us together. What could go wrong?

Now of course this leads to the planning phase of the operation. What supplies must we have to make it through such an ordeal?
  • Beer (You need to go native and see what sort of supplies the land offers. In this case, VT is abundant with Long Trail Ale. That most likely will be our prime source of valuable vitamins and nutrients.
  • A red onsie - preferably with SOS sewed in neon green, on the inside.
  • 120 pounds of camera gear equipped with 500 hand warmers. As I've repeatedly found in my many survival ordeals in the great mountains of Colorado, my piece of shit camera freezes unless it is strapped with many chemical handwarmers. Easy solution to get good footage.
  • A gun with one bullet - just in case things get desperate, or I want to go chipmunk hunting.
  • Harmonica
  • Water bottle full of gasoline - could there be an easier way to guarantee awesome fires? I think not.
  • Cool wHip
Certainly some more updates to this list will be required, but planning has already begun. Now to leave you with Les Stroud and the Pikes, singing the immortal anthem, I Am Canadian:

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