bə-lō'nē mō'gəls(n.pl.) 1. A group of drinkers with a shredding problem. 2. The combination of snow, booze, and metal.


Enchanted Madness (I Fail as Survivor Man)

Before Christmas I shot up to the Catskills to do a mini Exit 20 tour.  Lodging provided by the very comfortable Enchanted Valley Cleary Lodge.  Some may perhaps remember the onesie-based antics that took place there last year around this time.  Because this was a solo trip, I figured it might be fun to live blog my isolation evening in the woods of Cornwallisville.  (well time-delayed live blog).  The following are the uncut musings I jotted down while sequestered in the Enchanted Valley for what turned out to be a very exciting evening.  Read below the fold for the uncut feed.

4:00 P.M.:  I’ve arrived at the house.  About 12 inches of snow on the ground, great day of riding down.  Time to get the fire going in the house, turn on the heat, and get the lodge going for a night of DVDs and winter fun!
4:03 P.M.:  Okay, the snow is sorta heavy and it is brutally cold out, but I’ve got the walk cleared off!  Wahoo wine soon.
4:09 P.M.:  Oh man, I just realized the fridge isn’t plugged in and the water isn’t good to drink.  I guess I’ll have to run into town and grab some supplies to make it through the evening.
4:27 P.M.:  The Iseen is failing me right now.  This edge connection just won’t make it.  I iSeened “food” and it came up with 0 results.  I think I might have to drive all the way to Albany to get sustenance. 
4:45 P.M.:  With a bit of patience, I’ve realized you just got to do things mellow in the country.  Simple living.  That’s what it’s all about right?  So I’m going to take a deep breath and get some food and head back.
5:12 P.M.:  I’ve been in the deli/liquor store/video store/dinner/ grocery store for nearly 10 minutes and seem to have slipped into some kind of coma where I discussed the “weather these days” and compared that to the weather of the “old days” with the store clerk.  One customer was lacking the majority of his teeth and bought a large bowl of peppers as a meal.  I think there is something wrong in the water here.
5:40 P.M.:  Got some grab and some beer!  Awesome let’s get this party going.
5:41 P.M.:  Damnit, forgot the Iseen charger.  Rocking – no phone tonight.  Way better.  I don’t want any distractions.  Time to kick back and enjoy some tube and booze.
5:42 P.M.:  Alright, no T.V.  That’s cool.  I’ve got DVDs with me.
5:43 P.M.:  Well, I only have Ghostbusters I and II.  Great movies, I’ll watch those.  Night saved!
5:44 P.M.:  The case is empty!!!!  This really sucks, but like I said, it’s the country.  Just got to relax and enjoy the good air and scenery.
5:49 P.M.:  Holy crap that was only 5 minutes????  I was starring out the window and I thought 2 hours went by.  How does time move so slowly here?
5:58 P.M.:  I really should have gotten more food.  I’m already hungry again.  What is wrong me with?  Why does this place feel so tiny all of a sudden?  It has gotten dark so early, I can’t see anything outside.
6:07 P.M.:  New form of entertainment:  KNIFE SHARPENING.  I’m going to set records for most knives sharpened in an hour as well as sharpest knife ever.  NIGHT SAVED.
6:27 P.M.:  Wahoo.  Found guns too.  Those guys need a polishing that’s for sure.  Country living RAWKS!
6:54 P.M.:  Okay, this is a disaster.  The beer that was outside chilling, went passed chilling very quickly.   They’ve detonated and I now have no beer.  The driveway is totally plowed in.  I can’t get out until sunrise.  No problem.  I’ve got my guns and knives.
7:10 P.M.:  This is staring to suck.  How is it so early still.  I’ve been here for days.  I keep hearing things in the other room.   When I walk in to figure out what it is there is nothing there.  Probably the neighbor playing a game on me!  Ha, good one.
7 :40 P.M.:  There is definitely someone else in the house.  This place is so small how come I can’t find them.  Maybe in the basement?  They are getting louder though.  Bummer, better shut up soon because the joke isn’t funny anymore!
7:53 P.M.:  No BEER, No DEW, No T.V. make SEEN go something.
7:57 P.M.:  New plan:  Wait outside for awhile and figure out where the voices are coming from.  Once I figure it out, run at the guys with my superbly sharpened knives.  Is there any ammo up here any more? 
8:42 P.M.:  That temp is no joke.  Seriously 0 degrees out.  Can’t feel anything and am no closer to catching the guy making all the noise.  It sounds like they are telling me to do things, not talking to me so much.  I don’t want to do the things.  But they promise they have beer. 
8:44 P.M.:  REDRUM
8:49 P.M.:  They’re in the walls.  They’re in the frakking walls.
8:52 P.M.:  No BEER, NO DEW, No T.V. make SEEN go CRAZY.
11:53P.M.:  By my count I’ve been here for 47 days.  Supplies have basically run out and the tricksters are unbearable.  I can never find them, but I know they are here and I just want them to stop.  I’ll beat them at their own game.  I’m going to burn this place to the ground.  If they try to escape, I’ll shoot them.  I will win.  I won’t do what you want me to do.  The enchanted valley is cursed.  There is a black magic at work here and I’ll stop it. 
11:57 P.M.:  Gotta whole bunch of gas and ammo.  Going to head out and torch this place.  Should make for one hell of a photo!  Signing off for now.


Wow.  Well that was something.  First off, I want to thank the very kind neighbors in the Enchanted Valley.  If it wasn’t for their quick thinking, I likely would have froze to death.  It turns out   There quick thinking when they found a pantless, bare-chested body in the snow next to a burning duraflame, certainly saved my life.  I also want to throw a shout out to the Albany medical center who identified the toxins in the “vintage” bottled water I was drinking that I found in the house.  Turns out a mix of sulfur and magnesium coupled with mold can bring on a bit of psychosis. 

Long story short, Hunter and Windham rocked it mid-week style.  They were really able to turn it around from what were dirt hills the first week in December to nearly 100% open mountains two weeks later.

1 comment:

Neoslinger said...

I found your blog on Google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.

This is really a well laid out website. I like how you have presented the information in full detail. Keep up the great work and please stop by at my site wet wipes sometime. Keep it up..