Snow Monster Strikes Again (News Flash)

In a surprising turn of events, Washington, D.C. has been attacked by the infamous snow monster that has plagued mountains across the continent this winter. Even more shocking is the attack comes in the heat of the early Summer. Washingtonians: Watch out, he's coming for you.

This winter, we saw this mythic beast attack skiers out in Jackson Hole and Snowbird. Then we saw an attack against the gondolas at Whistler. Perhaps this beast now has a taste for metal?

Jackson Hole: The Most Metal Mountain Ever? ('Lanches, 'Lanches, and More 'Lanches)

In this installment of The Most Metal Mountain Ever, we look at Jackson Hole, WY.

It has been discussed before, whether in looking at there new tram, the insane terrain, or just the fact that Boloney Moguls will be there March 1st (and soon killed).

But in the course of a few days, they've had a fatal avalanche on inbounds (and easily accessible) terrain, 62 inches of snow in seven days, and now a double avalanche in a similar area that was so big it hit a base facility housing three restaurants causing "considerable non-structural damage to the building." I hope that means the Rumpleminze in the bar is still okay.

The fatal avalanche was on Saturday in the "Toilet Bowl" on the trail called "Paint Brush." Jackson is pretty badass though, even with eight feet of snow covering, and all that terrain, they were able to locate the deceased in 6 minutes. So that informs us Boloners that as long as a monster tree or slab of ice doesn't hit us in a 'lanche, we'll only be slightly chilled for the inevitable apres-ski drinking that will follow.

The avalanches yesterday hit the headwall when ski patrol was clearing things out, which then triggered a second avalanche smacking into the bar - I'm assuming the facility they talk about is the one at the gondola summit. This hit had them close the whole resort for a few hours, and then later only open the lower part of the mountain.

I don't know if this competition will even have to go on anymore. That place is pretty metal.

Whistler Blackcomb: The Most Metal Mountain Ever? (Tumblin' Gondolas)

A contender now emerges from the "True North" in the next installment of The Most Metal Mountain Ever: Whistler Blackcomb.

The good:

• Two mountains, one resort - Nearly an 8000 foot altitude on both Whistler and Blackcomb.
• 10,000 feet of vertical spread between the two peaks.
• Over 200 trails
• Gondolas that take breaks from time to time with the whole "not falling down and stranding 53 riders" thing.
  

Wait, WHAT??

So it seems that in a freak accident of some sort, a gondola tower - which was built in two pieces, surprisingly snapped in half - with 30 cars on the wire. Don't worry though, as CNN reports "at least two gondola cars hit the ground after the accident, both from relatively low heights near the tower that split and caused the system's heavy cable line to slacken."

Whistler sure knows how to bring the excitement to the ski hill, they even make the gondola rides more thrilling: "One hit a bus stop and the other hit a house," Noble said. "Another one was suspended over a creek, but everyone is out of that car."

And then, there's this frenchie: "Plante, from Vancouver, was visiting the ski resort when the gondola snapped. Plante said he planned to go skiing Tuesday morning, but changed his mind." Changed his mind??? Really, after everything this mountain offers, especially the radical cable car rides into freezing abysses? You're going to turn that sort of service down? Shame on you, you hockey-loving, poutine-eating Canuck. You sir, have wasted an opportunity for a granly day.

When Moot Assbute finishes construction (delays, cost-overruns, and beer attacks stifle progress), I for one, will guarantee detachable tower gondolas on the premises. And, you'll never know if you're in the lucky gondola car that will land in the bar when the tower snaps or the fiery pit of despair.

But I digress. It certainly seems as though the wonder from up yonder could in fact be the Most Metal Mountain Ever, but there are some cons.

First of all, the mountain is in Canada. The only good things to come out of Canada are Les Stroud and poutine. Well really, that seems to be the only thing stopping the mountain from achieving some of the highest marks yet received in this competition.

In summary Whistler Blackcomb is clearly one of the Most Metal Mountains ever and this incident is sure to keep it high on the list. Now to find some poutine.

Snowbird: The Most Metal Mountain Ever? (Frostbite and Avalanches, Oh My)

In the first installment of "The Most Metal Mountain Ever," we have a competitor from the Mormon peaks of Utah, Snowbird. They've received 11 inches of snow in 48 hours. And I'll quote the mountain's weather report for more highlights:

"There is currently a high wind advisory which may affect the operation of our tram and chairlifts."

And if that isn't fun enough:

"There is currently a frostbite warning. Please dress appropriately."

While these three factors would already make it a strong contender, then there is this (Emphasis Mine):

An avalanche occurred Sunday, Dec. 14, 2008, at Snowbird Ski & Summer Resort on
High Baldy, hike-to terrain on the east side of the resort. A female skier from Salt Lake City was recovered from the debris at 1:18 p.m. and was transported to University Hospital via Air Med in critical condition. Following an exhaustive search of the area using seven avalanche dogs, probes and avalanche beacons, the search has been called off. A witness reported the avalanche at 12:24 p.m. using a cell phone. The terrain opened at 9:30 a.m. Snowbird has received 9 inches of new snow in the last 24 hours, 13 inches in the last 48 hours and 93 inches season-to-date. Agencies assisting in the rescue effort include: Snowbird Ski Patrol, Salt Lake County Search and Rescue, Wasatch Backcountry Rescue and Unified Fire Station 13, as well as avalanche dog teams from numerous Utah resorts.

And now an update from the Salt Lake City Tribune:

Gross was skiing with a group of friends on Mount Baldy about 12:30 p.m. when the avalanche swept down the Eye of the Needle area, midway down the mountain, said Snowbird spokesman Dave Fields.

She was found alive but unconscious by rescuers with a probe, said Salt Lake County sheriff's spokesman Levi Hughes. She was in extremely critical condition when she was flown to University Hospital, where she died.

So to summarize, Snowbird had an epic Avalanche yesterday that killed one person and used the press release about said death and avalanche to brag about the 13 inches they received in the last 48 hours and the 93 inches they've received this season. Yeah, that's pretty metal.