Spicy Boule Weekend (Continued)

In the next installment of the Illustrated Rendition of the Spicy Boule weekend, BP presents his take on:

A Very Naughty Lunch: Boules, Drinks, and Yes, I Really AM.

Survivorman: Vermont (Planning)

With the cost of Christmas weekend hotels, motels, and places you'd like be murdered if you stayed at near ski areas absurdly high, we've had an epiphany: Let's just Survivorman it.

Of course for the ill-informed, Survivorman is the greatest program ever. It features Les Stroud - outdoorsmen, harmonica player, Canadian - stranded in some austere location for seven days and he teaches us all how to survive, while filming his adventures. He's survived in the arctic circle, the jungles of South America, the deserts of Africa, and the barren tundra of Alaska. If he can do it, we can do it. Come on, I've watched nearly every episode.

So instead of a fancy pants "hotels" or some place with "heating," we'll just survivorman it in the mountains of Vermont, alone, with all of us together. What could go wrong?

Now of course this leads to the planning phase of the operation. What supplies must we have to make it through such an ordeal?

• Beer (You need to go native and see what sort of supplies the land offers. In this case, VT is abundant with Long Trail Ale. That most likely will be our prime source of valuable vitamins and nutrients.
• A red onsie - preferably with SOS sewed in neon green, on the inside.
• 120 pounds of camera gear equipped with 500 hand warmers. As I've repeatedly found in my many survival ordeals in the great mountains of Colorado, my piece of shit camera freezes unless it is strapped with many chemical handwarmers. Easy solution to get good footage.
• A gun with one bullet - just in case things get desperate, or I want to go chipmunk hunting.
• Harmonica
• Water bottle full of gasoline - could there be an easier way to guarantee awesome fires? I think not.
• Cool wHip
  

Certainly some more updates to this list will be required, but planning has already begun. Now to leave you with Les Stroud and the Pikes, singing the immortal anthem, I Am Canadian:

Snowbird: The Most Metal Mountain Ever? (Frostbite and Avalanches, Oh My)

In the first installment of "The Most Metal Mountain Ever," we have a competitor from the Mormon peaks of Utah, Snowbird. They've received 11 inches of snow in 48 hours. And I'll quote the mountain's weather report for more highlights:

"There is currently a high wind advisory which may affect the operation of our tram and chairlifts."

And if that isn't fun enough:

"There is currently a frostbite warning. Please dress appropriately."

While these three factors would already make it a strong contender, then there is this (Emphasis Mine):

An avalanche occurred Sunday, Dec. 14, 2008, at Snowbird Ski & Summer Resort on
High Baldy, hike-to terrain on the east side of the resort. A female skier from Salt Lake City was recovered from the debris at 1:18 p.m. and was transported to University Hospital via Air Med in critical condition. Following an exhaustive search of the area using seven avalanche dogs, probes and avalanche beacons, the search has been called off. A witness reported the avalanche at 12:24 p.m. using a cell phone. The terrain opened at 9:30 a.m. Snowbird has received 9 inches of new snow in the last 24 hours, 13 inches in the last 48 hours and 93 inches season-to-date. Agencies assisting in the rescue effort include: Snowbird Ski Patrol, Salt Lake County Search and Rescue, Wasatch Backcountry Rescue and Unified Fire Station 13, as well as avalanche dog teams from numerous Utah resorts.

And now an update from the Salt Lake City Tribune:

Gross was skiing with a group of friends on Mount Baldy about 12:30 p.m. when the avalanche swept down the Eye of the Needle area, midway down the mountain, said Snowbird spokesman Dave Fields.

She was found alive but unconscious by rescuers with a probe, said Salt Lake County sheriff's spokesman Levi Hughes. She was in extremely critical condition when she was flown to University Hospital, where she died.

So to summarize, Snowbird had an epic Avalanche yesterday that killed one person and used the press release about said death and avalanche to brag about the 13 inches they received in the last 48 hours and the 93 inches they've received this season. Yeah, that's pretty metal.

Snowbird (From Idea to Reality in 24 Hours)

What was called "impossible." What was called "idiotic." What the critics believed was "the worst idea since Waterworld II," is now a reality. Boloney Moguls will be blasting SLC hard to celebrate MLK weekend and President-Elect Obama's inauguration.

We plan to stay in the crappiest part of SLC to be able to better invest our money into near-beer. The Days Inn "South" sounds pretty suitable to this guy.

The mountains: Snowbird, Solitude, Brighton, (Alta for those ski bitches). These places have elevation above 11,000 ft and verticals of more than 3000 ft.

We'll likely be sleep-deprived, altitude crushed, and on a steady diet of neer-beer, but we will be in Utah. And you won't.

Schemes (08-09 Winter Season)

Plans are developing. The weekends are filling. And the snow is falling from the Rockies to the Mad River Valley.

Major Trips On the Books (Or in the "we were drinking and it seemed like a good idea" category)

Bri-DK Fest (Part Deux): 1/9 - 1/11
A weekend celebrating birthdays of two founding members. Pico mountain, perhaps a day at SugarBush or Killington as well. The current incarnation of the infamous "K04" and "K05" train wrecks.

Snowbird (Boloney Moguls wants Seconds): 1/19
Thank you President-Elect Obama for giving me Tuesday off. Thank you Dead Snow for playing at Sundance. Thank you Utah for charging an arm and a leg for airfare you f'ing Mormons.

Febuary: A void devoid of planning.

Action Jackson: 3/1 - 3/7
5 Boloners, 1 Hole, Jackson.

Spicy Boule Weekend (An Illustrated Take)

Because of my loss of camera on the slopes of Mount Snow on Friday morning - I'm sure no way connected to the 17 beers I had between 9-11 A.M. - we lacked all documentation of the weekend's trip - besides my expertly written narrative. To remedy this situation, BP has bravely stood up and applied his grand graphic arts education to the task. I present to you a preview of, Mount Snow: The Spicy Boule Weekend

The day begins - Coors Original flowing from the Rookies, Last Night's Baileys flowing from Kath

Rainbow Bright Strikes Back - A BP right hook to a Seen's left jaw from a Skittle Vest

Dead Snow (Or the Greatest Film Ever Made by Intelligent Society)

What do you get when you combine Nazis, Zombies, and Snow? You get Dead Snow. It's a normal story. Group goes on ski trip. Group awakes zombie Nazis. Group must battle zombie Nazis. And I guess the hot chick (but not hottest) and one guy will survive. Really, when I say it that way it is almost boring. And it's even more metal because its all in Norwegian. Those Scandinavians sure know how to rock. Once this masterpiece makes it to DVD, it will be purchased and should be burned into all peoples' collective memories.